juz came back from jp from home. now in my room now. juz now saw someone familiar in jp. we walked past each other as i was heading towards liberty supermarket. i was walking, then i saw this girl in red, eh.. looks familiar leh, so i kept on looking while not losing a stride, wanna confirm is it really someone i know. she didnt seem to notice me though. tot of calling out for her, but sadly, realised i've aredi forgotten her name though haha; juz rem tt she's kristel's fren, now in nus.
well so i guess i'll nv know if its her, or juz a case of mistaken identity.

i've brought my berret to my room! hehe
had quite a few nasty nitemares while sleeping in my room. last wk juz had one where i felt tt i was being pinned down and my body got numb n i cant move for a while. the mind was willing but the body was restrained. not tt nitemares of this kind of scariness magnitude are frequent, but the intensity can be pretty overwhelming. anyway exams coming, so i hope the berret can help me sleep in peace. for the uninitiated, the SAF crest on the berret is said to be "holy" enough as it had been blessed by the major religions in sg before it is commissioned for use. dont ask me how true this is though.

speaking abt exams.. my 1st paper is in 4 days's time, so wish me good luck people! everyone needs good luck sometimes ;)

o i forgot to add

i didnt have dinner yesterday, bought and ate a little then threw away.
contemplated smashing my jd bottle on the head of my roomie or his fren's too! hahaha
was aredi trying hard to sleep in the pain, n they muz discuss abt work then
so noisy! argh!!
not exactly tt noisy lah, but then still can hear n as if its not hard enough trying to sleep
but then the tot of cleaning up the mess put me off lah hahahaah
so my roomie still lives heheh (thanks to my magnanimousity hehehe)

the whole world was against me today...
feel so terrible in the evening
got this massive headache setting in
with so many matters unable to resolve
n i slept at 4am last nite
no one would understand
no one would know
couldnt breathe, i feel like dying
so many things have gone wrong n is going wrong
n i'm feeling the effects of it all coming at once

i actually feared death
rem hearing tt if u commit suicide, u'll relive ur dying moments over n over again...
what pain would tt be? as if dying once is not enough, u r made to die over n over again...
imagine living ur most painful time, all the time!
living is painful... dying is worse...
at least tt's what i tot juz now... n the tot was able to put me off in contemplating to kill myself
do u know how i felt juz now?

all tt i did for a good cause
turn out the other way
i donno wat happen
is it really me?

Damned