(270503)
I Am Retarded -- part 3/3

tt's y i dont tok over the fone unless necessary. it was ok last time, i can still tok to dr jones and har-rik on everything from soccer to sch to games to tv to women etc then i slowly donno why, lost the skill of toking over the fone too. there would be long period of silences (brain not working again) and awkwardness. soon i developed a slight phobia of holding a fone conversation and try to avoid one whenever possible. i prefer to tok online, gives me time to think, choose the appropriate and nice sounding words to use as well as avoid answering qns i dont wish to answer without having to appear embarassed. perhaps i'm just shy, afraid to give the wrong impression or give a bad one. (i actually blush rather easily, sometimes without me knowing)

(270503)
I Am Retarded -- part 2/3

havent been in touch with franck n shaun for quite some time now (9 months - a yr? cant rem. its been a long time); sometimes you just donno wat to say. we've been close frens but it seemed so close yet so distant now. both of them still keep in regular contact, probably tt's y they have more to talk to each other about. i guess they have trouble finding things to talk to me about too or if they wanted to talk at all. they spoke abt cars 70% of the time, which is rocket science to me.
one major obstacle for me to overcome is my "evening shut-off-mode syndrome". when it comes to evening time, my mind switches off, blank! i donno what to say. i become quiet coz my mind is blank or i tink very slow. i become retarded. i find it hard to think of things in the evening and i donno why. same thing happens in the morning before 10am. maybe the morning session can be attributed to sleepiness. but i cant find a logial explanttion for the evening session. an illogical explanation may be i miss the sun (well i prefer the sun than the rain, maybe i may elaborate on tt some day). with my mind blank, its extremely tough for me to introduce topics to talk abt. not that i donwanna talk, i donno wat to say. not tt i donwanna tink, i have a problem accessing the CPU of urs truly. i admit i think slow, slower than my beloved P4 hehe

(270503)
I Am Retarded -- part 1/3

went out with franck and shaun, as well as jes, the latter's gal, on sat. well they muz have been as quite uncomfortable as i was, becoz i was very quiet
why? (the trio might be interested to read the following)
franck and shaun were constantly engaged in trash-talk. it's been several yrs now since they started doing this and boy r they good at it. they can relate the most unrelated things with the touch of humour and wit, nv failing to induce chuckles out of others listening to their banter. problem is i'm not good at thrash talking. although its been a few yrs that i'm trying so, i've not been successful, perhaps the skill is in-born :P another thing is that they are usually engaged with each other when they thrash-talk, like having a talk show, leaving the rest of us to "appreciate" their "show". it leaves others wondering sometimes are they serious or just joking.

seems like i'm unable to make a long post
so i'll gotta separate it into 2 posts
it is making me seriously to consider switching to another provider

what is wrong with this lousy provider? i cant seem to post!!
irritating!

ever wondered y most smileys are bald n yellow?
n r they male or female?

(200503)
i believed i wasn't like this before. i rem. i would juz take things easy in the past. but when i went to jc, my mindset became more inclined towards winnning. i cannot lose. i can't stand losing. i cant accept failure. i donno what happened, although i got to know someone who's like tt back then when i 1st came to jc, i refuse to attribute the problem to him.

or issit perhaps of the pressures of sch n society tt i have juz became more competitive? frens however say tt i'm juz too uptight. well i admit tt i'm donno how to relax... back in jc at least.. i tink the only memory of those not so close to me is tt of me mugging!

baby u're all tt i want, when u're lying here in my arms, finding it hard to believe, we're in heaven...
love is all tt i need, n i found it there in ur heart, it wasn't too hard to c, we're in heaven...
--DJ Sammy, Heaven (Slow Version)

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well i'm in sch again... exams r over. i'm all alone in my room now, feeling depressed... again...
wanted to work out this morn which is now... but feel kinda down... donno got form anot... i'm too sad to do anything now i tink...
went for a Flash MX course yesterday, learned the basics of doing simple animation. but tt was it. nothing much, not in depth but at least got to learn something. expected it this way, what do u expect to accomplish in a 3 hour course anyway?
may spent hols going deeper into flash on my own (hopefully i would be able do a few nice animations or even movie clips and upload them to my new webby, if any hehe. so cross ur fingers)


hmm kinda messy in this post... got lotsa thoughts going on in my mind

130503

wow! i managed to find where to change the default templates liao
hmm nice colours eh? u dont agree nm, i know someone who will like it ;)
hmm but dont like the font
me started on learning html liao as promised, maybe i try to change on tt...
colour of font should change too

anyway juz c how test test 1st
may change to another default template next time
c how

130503

wanted to post something here on 300403...
was typing halfway then dont feel like typing liao
so didnt post haha